In our daily lives, we encounter countless opportunities to be offended. From the barista who gets our coffee order wrong to the friend who forgets to invite us to their wedding, offense lurks around every corner. But what if we could change the way we see these situations? What if we could remove the distorting lens of offense and see people and circumstances more clearly?
The truth is, offense is inevitable. Jesus himself said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come” (Luke 17:1). The Greek word for offense, “skandalon,” refers to the part of a trap where bait is attached. This paints a vivid picture of how offense can ensnare us, leading us into a cycle of negative emotions – anger, fear, bitterness, and sadness.
When we allow offense to take root, it distorts our vision. Like a pair of tinted glasses, it colors everything we see. A small slight can snowball into something much larger, affecting how we perceive not just the person who offended us, but everyone around us. We become short-tempered, easily upset, and hypersensitive. In essence, offense traps us in a perspective we were never meant to have.
But there’s hope. While offense distorts, Jesus restores.
So how do we handle offense when it inevitably comes our way? Here are three key steps:
Engage God First
When we feel offended, our first instinct is often to vent to a friend, spouse, or even social media. But what if we took these hurts to God first? By engaging with Him before anyone else, we invite His perspective into our situation. We can ask Him for a bigger view, for help in controlling our temper, and for guidance on how to respond in a way that brings Him honor.
This isn’t a one-time action, but a daily practice. As we consistently bring our offenses to God, we allow Him to be our filter, shaping our responses and attitudes. The Psalmist writes, “There is great peace and well-being that comes to the lovers of your word, and they will never be offended” (Psalm 119:165). By staying rooted in God’s word and presence, we cultivate a spirit that is less easily offended.
Examine and Evaluate
Once we’ve engaged God, it’s time for some self-reflection. Ask yourself: Why am I offended? Was it what was said, or how it was said? Do I feel misunderstood? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Often, when we dig deeper, we realize our offense stems from unvoiced expectations, personal sensitivities, or simply having a bad day.
This examination helps us avoid two extremes: pretending we’re never offended (and stuffing our emotions), or wallowing in victimhood. Neither extreme is healthy. Instead, honest evaluation allows us to process our feelings in a balanced way.
Extend Grace and Forgiveness
This is perhaps the most challenging step, but also the most transformative. Extending grace means giving others the benefit of the doubt. It’s putting ourselves in their shoes and considering alternative perspectives. Maybe they’re having a tough day. Perhaps they didn’t mean it the way it came across. This “radical grace” chooses to believe the best about others, even when it’s difficult.
Forgiveness goes hand in hand with grace. Jesus made it clear that forgiveness isn’t optional for His followers. He taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Mark 11:25 emphasizes this further: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior or staying in toxic situations. Sometimes, wisdom requires us to set boundaries or even walk away from certain relationships. But it does mean releasing the offense and choosing not to let it control our thoughts and actions.
The apostle Paul, writing in 1 Timothy 1:15-16, reminds us of the profound patience and forgiveness of Christ: “This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.”
When we extend grace and forgiveness to others, we reflect the character of Christ. We become living examples of His patience and love, potentially opening doors for others to experience His forgiveness too.
Removing the Lens
Imagine for a moment what your life would look like if you consistently engaged God, examined your heart, and extended grace in the face of offense. How might your relationships change? How would you navigate conflicts differently? What freedom might you experience?
Offense may be inevitable, but bitterness is optional. We have the power to choose how we respond when offended. Will we put on the distorting lens of offense, or will we allow Jesus to restore our vision?
The next time you feel the sting of offense rising within you, pause. Take a deep breath. Engage God. Examine your heart. And choose to extend grace. You may find that by removing the lens of offense, you’re able to see people and situations more clearly than ever before.
Remember, offense distorts, but Jesus restores. Let’s choose to see the world through His eyes of grace and forgiveness.